By E. Nora H. Amrani
No part of this article may be copied or reproduced
without my written permission.

MEMOIRS is a special page sharing my story; my personal memories of my multidimensionality: This includes parallel lifetimes, lives in other times and places, on Earth and off-planet, as a being in a physical body or in my light body. These are my personal records which are also part of our collective consciousness, our story (past, present, and future). Some of you reading these memoirs will begin to remember.

Once upon a time, more than half a million years ago, there was a planet, which I shall call "Z", on the other side of our known universe...still unknown to present day Earth astronomers. This planet's civilization evolved from Lyra through Vega. We were slightly ahead in technology of where planet Earth is now. Our lifespan was very long - many hundreds of years, sometimes going up into the thousands, if we reached "old age."

My body then was about the same size I am now, five feet four inches, but my features then were slightly different,. My skin color had a tone which was flesh colored but paler; more ashen with a violet tinge to it. My hair was white, my eyes were large and blue.

I glanced at the view of my home city - two blazing suns shone in an orange, haze-filled sky. The haze, due to factory pollution, was so thick it was like a fog over the city. The air was hot, steamy, smelly. The city was crowded and fully active. Each individual was doing whatever they wanted to, from moment to moment, not thinking or caring about the effects of their actions. No long term considerations were ever given, nor was there any guilt about it. Everyone was selfish and self-centered. This planet was based completely on free expression at ALL costs. And it was packed with a wild energy of everyone doing everything! It appeared as if there was no order. But there is an order to chaos. That was our planet's order - wildness. It was why we came to "Z", to experience complete, individual, free will expression.

Those who wanted to destroy, destroyed. Those who wanted to do nothing, did nothing. And no one paid much attention to what anyone else was doing. The attitude was "live for now and don't care about anything." We thought this was heaven.

Free expression without integrity, compassion or responsibility reached its peak and small nuclear explosions began going off at anyone's whim. If someone wanted to blow up a town, they did so, conscious-free. At least a few fires could be seen burning at all times. Anger, fighting increased, as did dead bodies wherever one looked. Full, unbridled, negative emotion was rampant.

I was a scientist in that lifetime, a genetic engineer. As pollutions increased and so much life was easily spent, our civilization needed cloning devices that would help those in need for longevity or procreation, healing and enhancements. That was my focus.

One particular day, I took a long time viewing and exploring our society objectively - which was an extremely rare occurrence. Something troubled me - and why did it bother me? What had we become? Was this really heaven? People living moment to moment, acting out their every wish, not concerned with anything or anyone else - was this what life was all about?

I noticed a steadily increasing tension and stress during the past few years. Nothing felt good anymore. It actually felt like all were the walking dead, missing something, and the acting out was merely attempts at filling up time, seeking that missing feeling without ever succeeding. Perhaps it was just a way to pass a life until death would come, finally releasing us from this hideous location we fooled ourselves into believing was the greatest place one could be.

It was as if each one of us had been a child in a toy and candy store that was filled with every kind of toy or candy one would crave, and having tried each one, over and over, we got bored - no longer tasting the special sweetness each one had, no longer relishing the "fun treat." It had become empty. Happiness was as momentary as the whims carried out, never lasting. No one felt really fulfilled.

Fast forward to a few years in the future and our "Z" had reached such massive proportions of toxins in all areas of our lives, other scientists and I realized our future looked even dimmer than we had imagined. The race was dying rapidly, not just due to murder, but due to pollution and the fallout from explosions.

For the first time in years, we had a meeting to make a decision on the future of our planet. Our data indicated that our lives would no longer be adequately supported in the very near future. Selfishness and disregard for life, run amok, had taken it's final toll on all of us. Our planet was headed for a major disaster that we could no longer control, and the ramifications of the destruction were unknown. At that time, we did not know if our planet would even survive. What could we do?

Looking at our predicament, many people would wonder why the hell should we bother at all? Just let the damned thing destroy itself and all life upon it, and start anew in another reincarnation, another star system. And, for many reasons, I'd have to agree. But, we couldn't. Somehow we valued life - even if many others in our civilization didn't appear to.

The decision was made to gradually move our society underground into caves, protected from the harsh environment. There we would create laboratories in which we could clone a better model of our species to survive; perhaps one more balanced, more able to withstand poisons of all kinds. So, we let the word out to the public and began our descent into the darkness. There were many who didn't believe us and chose to meet their own fate on the surface. There always seem to be those holding out until the end.

"Z" had numerous tunnels under the surface which were accessible through caves. Here we set up our homes, labs, schools, and prayed we'd live on. Tests we conducted from equipment linked from above the surface to us indicated that conditions on the surface were worsening - no telling how long it would be before it would be safe for us to venture out into the open again, without protection. We made the best of our situation and we had PLENTY of time to examine what we had created for ourselves.

A hundred years passed underground and our people began mutating. In order to be able to survive in the darkness we lived on a light-emitting algae that grew on the damp cave walls. Small streams from inside the planet, and some from the surface, slowly crept along the rocks inside the caves.

Our bodies morphed. We became shorter, thinner, even paler. The pupils in our eyes grew huge in order to be able to see well in the darkness. The pupils took up the entire eye cavity/socket. If you run your fingers around the edges of your own eyes, from your eyebrows all around to your cheekbone, that hollow spot, that was how big our eyes grew to be - and all of it was the pupil.

Our skin had toughened, grown rough and more scaly. We no longer were able to bask in the double sunshine on the surface to minimally eradicate bacteria from our skin. Our mouths had decreased in size and our teeth softened as our eating habits changed. We had to supplement our diet with lab-grown vitamins and minerals, but it was a constant battle to keep up with how fast we were mutating, not easy to find the balance.

Our skulls grew, too. Our focus was now not on physical activity, but on our mental activity. Our bodies accommodated that transition, as well. The one thing we didn't foresee was that the increase in skull size would be a death sentence to women giving birth to children with larger heads. More often than not, we were left with many tortured and dead females, children with no mothers to nurture them. No matter how we looked at our situation - nothing seemed to be helping. We were dying as a race and we felt, for the first time, truly miserable, tortured, saddened and filled with guilt.

At that time, Caesarian Sections were extremely uncommon. In fact, having to cut open the body in such a drastic way was abhorred and a last resort. As our bodies genetically changed, we were uncertain as to how to proceed with such surgeries, particularly living underground and with limited resources. It was not to be until many hundreds of thousands of years later that our technology, through our descendants, would become much more surgically involved. But, back then, we had to make some new alterations.

During this long period of time in which we were able to reevaluate what had occurred, we came to the conclusion that our civilization was doomed due to out-of-control emotions and selfishness. How could we prevent future disasters if we were to survive this one?

Our solution - genetically remove the stimulus to emotions. Re-route the nerve pathways to the brain so all would feel basically the same; no extreme or intense feelings at all. Individuality was another thing that had destroyed our species. The solution to that was to integrate into the gene pattern (the DNA) more of a group mind connection, where all would be linked and working for the good of the whole, rather than the self. Our new change for survival gave us impetus to go on. We actually had some hope for our species.

Since we had continued with our process of re-routing the emotional stimulus response in the nervous system to the brain, our females' previous natural inclination to nurture the babies that did survive, phased out. They did not respond to the crying or needs of their infants. The lack of demonstrative love and affection had a detrimental effect on the infants and they did not survive past several years. Unfortunately, neglect became the norm.

Another few hundred years, or so, passed. But, our physical forms were withering away, along with "Z", and our children were not surviving sufficiently enough. It was very difficult to remain optimistic. We rarely spoke or experienced joy, communicating only when absolutely necessary through vocalizations. We had become more telepathically inclined and psychologically and gone inward, preferring to remain quiet most of the time.

We did have one other possibility. Since we had already been fairly successful in space travel before we went underground, we could send a small number of our species out into the universe on a craft that could sustain life, (we never had have enough ships for everyone), and perhaps at least a portion of us would be able to survive, maybe even integrate with another species close to ours whose DNA we could incorporate into our own bodies. We equipped a large ship that would carry several hundred of us and off it went. To where, for how long - none of us knew.

Years later, when our equipment readings proved that it was safe to once again emerge from our cave dwellings, breathe the air on the surface, like snakes stirring from a long winter hibernation, we slinked out of our underground dwellings; emerged from the abyss. Actually, by that point we almost looked reptilian.

Upon our emergence into the fresh air we received the shock of all shocks: Nothing looked the same, not even the stars above us were familiar! Where were we? What had happened to our "Z?"

Tests and more tests were performed and we found, much to our dismay, that due to our earlier intensive nuclear blasting and the radiation band it created, our planet had literally blasted itself into another sector of the universe. We had no idea where we ended up. Those original members who remembered "Z" (and still had emotions) felt this was a major tragedy. This gave us even more reason to continue to create humanoid beings of our kind with less emotion. And we did go on, albeit not as abundant in numbers.

We later renamed our planet "Z" to what you know now as Zeta Reticulum. And our home is now closer to Earth. Those from our planet who were sent off into space long ago still remained traveling the cosmos, seeking genetic perfection through balance of the physical and emotional while learning more about integrating the spiritual. They experienced much the same complications of genetic engineering we had, yet they had available to them other species, humans, for one, who carried more of our pure DNA than any other species, with which to learn from and combine in attempting to have our lineage continue.

Humans had been also genetically experimented upon by our same relatives throughout history, so humans carry the same basic DNA. It is therefore, more sensical to make this connection on all levels and perhaps help one another. However, fear of not surviving, (although much lessened in intensity due to genetic manipulation), and fear of what emotions out of control could produce still plagued those on the ships.

Our family has been to many planets and stars throughout time and is still learning, still trying to find that perfect balance and vowing not to repeat the disastrous past. How did we know this about them? We stayed in touch telepathically, and once in a great while they were, and still are, able to return to Zeta for sharing and interaction.

But, what's more, our joining with our ancestors, you, which helped to create our hybrid race, will result in a hybrid race becoming the single race on Earth. This race of beings of light and balance, and love, (Essessani), will be living real heaven on earth as they create the seventh race. And then, a new story will begin, and on and on, happily ever after.

She'vai. So be it.

© Copyright 1998 and 2002, Estelle Nora Harwit Amrani