By Estelle Nora Harwit Amrani, 1998
No part of this article may be copied or reproduced
without my written permission.

People frequently ask me how I know what I know, how can I be sure about what I write, and how does one know the real God? I asked myself the same questions many years ago. Then I began my own search to find out who was who, what was what. I developed a relationship with my source, my higher self, my guides, friends in other dimensions, and my learning continues. I am confident in what I have learned thus far - I always question and get the proof I need to know that what I receive is authentic. It works for me and I trust my source(s).

Only when we have individually seen, touched, heard, tasted, experienced these things can we speak of them knowingly. And yet, is a challenge to find words to describe what we have experienced because it is SO individual. It is deep and occurs on many levels. It's nearly impossible to fully and justly describe these events in words. The heart feels. As always, each person must discover their own truths.

One event in my life stands out as a good example of what I have experienced in terms of how I actually saw and felt God, the Source, and realized I am a co-creator with God. It was so awesome. I wish to share it with you and do my best to escribe it. But please know the full impact of what I went through cannot be felt by anyone else - it was my own experience. I don't ask you to believe it, either.

Over five years ago I was at a point in my life where I wasn't quite sure what my next step would be. A part of me felt I had done what I came here to do and I was ready to leave. Another part wondered if there would be more for me to do if I stayed. I asked over and over to see the Source for myself, see if I could go towards it, and watch what happens.

Several nights later my desire came true. I went into a very deep meditation, lying down this time, and asked for the Source. It was pitch black. Little by little, swirling colors appeared and a glorious, intensely bright dot of light began expanding in the center of my view. I watched the light grow larger and brighter, radiating energy outwards in all directions, and I began moving towards it. I felt the pull away from my body as I went further and further. I knew beyond any doubt that had I continued moving into the light I would have left my life on Earth. But that light felt so good! I just wanted to be with it.

This light wasn't a male or female; it was energy, light, vibration. It was everything. I got closer, closer, closer and suddenly a voice came out from the light. The light had a voice. It was both audible and telepathic. And what it said surprised the heck out of me!

The voice told me that in two weeks, and named the date, was the original date for my life contract to be up. In other words, that's when I had planned to physically die in this lifetime. Of course, I was stunned. Then the voice asked me, "Do you want to go on that day, or stay? The choice is yours."

This was serious stuff. I was put on the line. (Now I know that I had put myself on the line. By asking for the experience, I received it.) What did I really want to do? Rapidly, visions and emotions came to me - what was it I really wanted to do in my life and haven't yet done? Did I want to stay for my children? This wasn't the first time I had encountered this question...except the other times it was me wanting to depart and being told it was not yet my time to leave.

This was very different, though. This was the big cheese, the head honcho - the main Light, God itself. I could not fool this thing. I had to be as true to myself, and It, as I could be. Although I wasn't quite clear on everything I would be doing if I stayed, what came out of my mouth surprised even me! I knew I had more to accomplish. I answered the light Source, still slightly hesitantly, "I want to stay." The Source immediately commanded, "So it is - It is granted."

FLASH! I was back in my conscious body in total amazement of what had just happened. Was it for real? Could it be trusted? Yes - something told me this was not a joke. But, what if I really was going to die in two weeks? How would I die? Could I pick out my own way to go? What would I do? What I did was live my life feeling it may be the end of it here, and yet planning for the future in case I stayed. Not a comfortable feeling at all. Those two weeks were nerve wracking. Pins and needles time. At that time I told no one else about it.

The two weeks quickly arrived and the date I was to transition was upon me. Minute by minute, hour by hour, I watched the clock. I was still alive, still here. Even after midnight, I was not completely convinced that I was staying. But, the next day there was no doubt in my mind that I had truly transformed my life. I had changed my original departure plan.

Have you ever thought what that would mean to you: to be given the choice to leave or stay? To be so allowed and loved to that extent that whatever you decide to do is granted?! For years my guides told me that we are all co-creators and in charge of our lives. But until this experience, I didn't really appreciate what that meant. What a revelation this was for me. Our lives ARE completely in our own hands and we are unconditionally supported in our choices.

Not just our time of dying to the next life, either. Everything we do is our choice through desire. Even when we assume we aren't doing anything. Even when we are determined NOT to make a decision, we HAVE made a choice. The big question out of all of this is - CAN WE ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OURSELVES AND OUR CHOICES? Can we be more conscious of how, when and why we make decisions?

Look back at your own lives. Get out of feeling like a victim or martyr for this moment. Who do you feel made decisions for you? When did you feel you were completely in charge of your life, doing it your way? In retrospect, do you feel that it was really out of your hands at eny time? If you just accept this idea of having made each decision for yourselves right now, can you see the beauty and creative license and ability within yourselves? Can you see how each choice brought a new part of yourself to yourself, to others, of and to the universe? We don't need to blame anyone any more. We don't need to wait for anyone else's permission to do what we know is right for ourselves. We do have free will. How can we ignore the God that we are? Wow! Isn't it perfect?

One of my lovely spirit mentors, Dr. Peebles, says, "You are the paintbrush. Life is the canvas. Learn this, and you will never feel the victim again." When we realize the remarkable power that we have as creators and co-creators with the Source, WE CAN make all of our dreams come true. We can create our lives as a beautiful work of art of our own choosing. You don't have to take my word for it. Find out on your own. Ask the God within you.

© Copyright 1998,2009 Estelle Nora Harwit Amrani